Can’t Even Think Of A Decent Title.

The first few interactions with people, we all make these silent decisions in our hearts on whether or not we like these people (for lack of better words). Over time, some remain in good contact with us, some even become our friends.

Call me naive or whatever, when I decide that I like a person, I really, really make room for him/her somewhere in my heart. Heck, once, I got sad having to part with someone I’d known for only two months, and we barely even talked during that time (due to language barrier, mind you). But during that small period of time, I saw and appreciated how sincere that person was.

If I can see a person I barely know in that light, you can probably get the idea of how I see (and feel) for people I eventually claim as “friends”. As careless a person as I am, I do not take people in my life lightly.

My problem, however, is that I have this tendency of putting people I adore on a pedestal. As John Green puts it : “we all romanticize the people we adore”. I just have this deluded thinking that these people won’t deceive me. I’m not talking about them not having flaws (like being lazy, untidy, cocky, etc). I’m talking about them not hurting my feelings by lying to me, cheating on me, stabbing me from the back, putting up a fake facade (basically : lying to me). In my currency, trust is expensive (I was gonna say expensive as hell, but it’s easy to go to hell, so that wouldn’t be a valid phrase xD)

My problem is that. And so, one day, I woke up, found out someone lied to me and bham~! I am literally confused now. I don’t really know anymore how to think of people and who to trust.

Be everything you are, good or bad, just be honest about it. I don’t see the point of a relationship if it is built on lies. It may look trivial, like a girlfriend lying about liking soccer because her boyfriend does. Then you come across a situation like Tina on Glee pretending to have this ‘illness’ of stuttering when she talks so that people would sympathize with her. Either way, what’s. the. point.

I am still figuring out how I’m supposed to approach the relationships I have with people. Part of being a grown up, eh. It’s not easy to accept that the world is not as beautiful as I’d want it to be. Turns out, not everyone deserves to be trusted. Not everyone has good intentions. Not everyone wants to be your friend. Not everyone cares about how you feel.

Ugh.

- cheers to all -

They Said I Can

A friend once asked me why I didn’t try to go for Stanford, when he heard about me applying for grad school in Taiwan and Australia more than a year ago.
I laughed at his remark at the time, thinking : “Look, it’s Stanford. I mean, it’s that far, and it’s that big.”

Something today reminded me of that old friend of mine, and I found out that he, too, had started his graduate study in a foreign land.
I think back of how he genuinely thought we could go to Stanford, and urged me to try for it. I feel kind of ashamed that I didn’t have the same confidence in myself as he had in me.

I am reminded now of all the people, who knowingly or unknowingly, have kept my aim and motivation high.
The one who said there are still many places I need to set foot on,
one who made me aware of not letting my imagination fade,
one who pointed out that thinking “I’m not good enough” just prevents me from actually creating and being good,
one who told me keep dreaming while I still can.

Things I am Grateful For This Vacation

Of course there are more than this.

I managed to still do my work.
Let’s be honest, here. It’s not easy to work from home when you haven’t been home for a year! Fortunately, I was able to finish due work, AND spend quality time with my loved ones.

I didn’t get sick…
until the day I had to go back to Taiwan. LOL. I don’t think it’s because I had to go back, though. I love Taiwan. At some point, your body just needs rest. And the point happened to me just a day before I had to get on the plane to Taiwan.

Almost

Is it just me, or some people really are only meant to cross the path of our lives without having any clear memory whatsoever of their encounter with us?

Why is it that impressions are not reciprocal? I may have a strong impression about someone, but on the other hand, it’s good enough that the person remembers my name. 

Saya tiba-tiba saja terpikir demikian saat tadi iseng melihat-lihat foto-foto masa kuliah dan SMA di Facebook. Ada orang-orang yang membuat saya berpikir, what if dan why didn’t we. Why didn’t we talk to each other more. What if you weren’t just my acquaintance but my real friend. Because I seriously think being good friends with you would be all-caps-awesome (baca : AWESOME).