There are times when you just don’t know why and what for anymore. In all honesty, the only thing that keeps me going now is God’s love. I don’t even want to imagine what state I would have been in if I didn’t have this conviction of who I am in Christ.
I will keep walking. I can’t see why. I can’t see what is waiting ahead of me. But thank God that regardless, I can rest assured that I am not walking in vain.
*video is Hillsong performing “You Alone Are God”
- cheers to all -
The first few interactions with people, we all make these silent decisions in our hearts on whether or not we like these people (for lack of better words). Over time, some remain in good contact with us, some even become our friends.
Call me naive or whatever, when I decide that I like a person, I really, really make room for him/her somewhere in my heart. Heck, once, I got sad having to part with someone I’d known for only two months, and we barely even talked during that time (due to language barrier, mind you). But during that small period of time, I saw and appreciated how sincere that person was.
If I can see a person I barely know in that light, you can probably get the idea of how I see (and feel) for people I eventually claim as “friends”. As careless a person as I am, I do not take people in my life lightly.
My problem, however, is that I have this tendency of putting people I adore on a pedestal. As John Green puts it : “we all romanticize the people we adore”. I just have this deluded thinking that these people won’t deceive me. I’m not talking about them not having flaws (like being lazy, untidy, cocky, etc). I’m talking about them not hurting my feelings by lying to me, cheating on me, stabbing me from the back, putting up a fake facade (basically : lying to me). In my currency, trust is expensive (I was gonna say expensive as hell, but it’s easy to go to hell, so that wouldn’t be a valid phrase xD)
My problem is that. And so, one day, I woke up, found out someone lied to me and bham~! I am literally confused now. I don’t really know anymore how to think of people and who to trust.
Be everything you are, good or bad, just be honest about it. I don’t see the point of a relationship if it is built on lies. It may look trivial, like a girlfriend lying about liking soccer because her boyfriend does. Then you come across a situation like Tina on Glee pretending to have this ‘illness’ of stuttering when she talks so that people would sympathize with her. Either way, what’s. the. point.
I am still figuring out how I’m supposed to approach the relationships I have with people. Part of being a grown up, eh. It’s not easy to accept that the world is not as beautiful as I’d want it to be. Turns out, not everyone deserves to be trusted. Not everyone has good intentions. Not everyone wants to be your friend. Not everyone cares about how you feel.
Ugh.
- cheers to all -
Have you ever felt so happy that it eventually scares you?
I remember when I was growing up, every time I had a really good time to the point of laughing so much, people would remind me to tone my excitement down. “Otherwise, you would soon find yourself feeling sad,” they said. I guess they meant for me not to indulge in my happiness so much and forget that the state of being happy is but temporary. Once it flies away, I might not like the change and thus become disappointed and sad.
Maybe it’s wiser for me not to jump too excitedly…?
Say you’re happy, and not just the momentary kind of happy like when you receive a compliment or a gift. Say you’re happy because your life has turned in the seemingly most perfect direction. Perhaps you just landed your dream job, just got engaged to the love of your life, or just moved to your dream country. You’re so happy you can hardly sleep; you can’t help but wonder whether all is actually real. Do you get scared at one point? Do you worry that perhaps tomorrow you’ll find the hidden reality of your job, the dark side of your new neighborhood?
Say I’m happy right now. Say it scares me. Should I then treat this happiness indifferently, to protect myself from getting hurt by future disappointments?
If there is one thing I’m sure about life, it’s that nothing in it is perfect and nothing in it lasts forever. At the same time, life only happens once. The happiness I feel right now is unique to this period of my life, which I would definitely not relive again. Why then the thought of not allowing myself to enjoy it fully?
Acknowledging and reveling in your happiness show that you are aware of the goodness that is present in your life. At some level, I think it is also a manifestation of appreciating and being grateful for that goodness. You’re not taking it for granted.
I’m happy. I may not be as happy tomorrow. But please don’t let it make me understate what I have now.
- cheers to all -
Having a clear set of purpose really gives you a whole new perspective on the way you work, the way you live.
Something great happened to me yesterday. I got reminded of my purpose. And the impact of it on my day : amazing. I used my working time better (cause I didn’t want any wasted when I could be doing something toward reaching my goal), I felt happier (and believe me, I’m already a happy person normally), also more motivated and excited to embrace what’s in store for me in the future.
When I was in college, I was fed a lot of talk on how important it is to have a vision, to have a set of goals that you want to achieve in life. And yes, I had an idea of what I wanted to be, of the life I wanted to lead, but I never let myself wanted it too much. I guess somewhere in the web of my life, I caught the wrong message from the wrong circumstances and the wrong people, and I started to think I was doing the right thing denying myself what I really wanted.
The result of it? A pretty painting of life with no particular pattern or sense, I guess. I worked, I performed well, I did all sorts of things happily, but even when I achieve excellent performance, or people praise me for what I did, I couldn’t appreciate myself. What’s the point? I didn’t know where I wanted all those things to take me to.
Now, though. Now. The past year, I’ve been reminded again of what I really want in my life, and I’ve been surrounded by passionate people who encourage me to pursue my dreams. And yesterday I got reminded about the notion of having a clear vision statement and really, really running towards it. As my problem used to be not letting myself wanting something so much, I found a quote that really spoke to me : “Don’t be afraid to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted in life.”
When you know what you want, don’t hesitate to ask for it and work for it. I ponder on what the sentence represents to me, and it kind of summarizes some of the decisions I have made in my life that initially made people frown. I often had to leave my comfort zone. But I had figured out what I wanted. So I took my risks anyway and grabbed my chances. Now, I just have to apply the same thing toward reaching my dreams. 
If you feel like you still have no idea where your passion lies, find it. Borrowing Pastor Brian Houston’s words, it’s amazing to have a reason to run toward and for something that is far more important than ourselves. It makes a lot of difference. Good difference. 
- cheers to all -
